The Fix-It Sisters

Yule for Fuel week 1: Spanx

We’re doing our column live! Wellfleet Harbor Actors Theater has invited us to perform at their annual fundraiser, Yule for Fuel, where we’ll be dishing out helpful holiday advice every weekend from Thanksgiving to Christmas.

Here’s the first week, in which we discover the importance of proper circulation (and a grasp of technology).


Our favorite hedgehog related intro to date

Scarlett! I got a new job!
.
Another one? What happened to the other 18,000 jobs?

Oh, I still have all of those. This is only part, part time.

Why do you need to have so many jobs, Annabelle? Your place is cheap and your car is paid for. It’s just you and your cat. You should be giddy with cash.

I thought Astrid was lonely so I adopted Peanut. They don’t like each other now, but they’re going to be the best of pals. I can tell!

You’re going to be one of those weird single women with too many cats, Annabelle.

Oh, Peanut’s not a cat. He’s a hedgehog. He had some special needs so I took him in.

Of course you did. What’s wrong with him?

I’d rather focus on what’s right with him, Scarlett, which is a lot. But if you must know, they thought it was wobbly hedgehog syndrome or something, but he’s fine now. Well, if I could find him I’m sure he’s fine.

There’s a hedgehog lost in your apartment? Are you sure Astrid didn’t just eat it?

Not entirely… But wait until you hear what I’m doing! I’m in the construction business!

“Not entirely” like Astrid didn’t eat him entirely? That’s only half as disturbing as the thought of you in the construction business.

Venti soy extra hot coriander latte guy came into Starbucks last week and said he needed someone and did I know anyone. So now I’m power washing houses, decks, and I’m really good at it! Mostly.

What do you mean, mostly?

Well, I don’t know if you’ve ever used a pressure washer, but it’s pretty much a tornado in a nozzle. I had a few mishaps in the beginning, but after I offered to pay for the damages it was all good.

Damages?

Yeah, I blew off some shingles, broke two windows and knocked over a toddler. The toddler was not my fault by the way. She wandered out of her safe area I’d constructed out of cinder blocks and two by fours.

I always say it’s important to stay in our safe areas around you, Annabelle. You’re a menace.

Not to hedgehogs I’m not! Why don’t you start on the first question while I look for Peanut. I’m sure he’s here somewhere.

Q: How do you know if you’re sitting on a very small, special needs hedgehog? – Patty Pricklebottom

A: Not funny, Scarlett.

(read the rest on WickedLocal…)


Oatmeal Zucchini Cookies

This week we talked about cookies and squash-flavored coffee in our column, so we thought it fitting to post our favorite squash-flavored cookie recipe!

They weren’t that kind of cookie, Scarlett

That’s because they didn’t have the recipe! So now your web browser can make really good cookies, instead of the ones that bust you for trying to adopt abandoned puppies at 2am.

Oatmeal Zucchini Cookies

3/4 c. sugar
3/4 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. butter, softened
1/2 c. applesauce
1 tsp. cinnamon (or more)
1 tsp. salt (plus a couple grinds of sea salt just because)
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
2 cups grated, unpeeled zucchini
3 cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
3 cups oatmeal
4 cups total of any/all of the following: chopped nuts, raisins, choc. chips

Cream butter and sugars. Add applesauce, cinnamon, salt, vanilla and eggs. Mix in grated zucchini. In a separate bowl, combine flour, soda, and oatmeal. Mix into butter/sugar concoction. Fold in nuts, raisins, chips and whatnot. Add more chocolate chips because, obviously.

Drop in rounded spoonfuls onto a greased cookie sheet. Wet the palm of your hand and flatten the lumps. Bake at 350 for 10 minutes, or until they look almost done. Take them out of the oven, but leave them on the cookie sheet to finish baking.

We’re not telling you how many they make so you can lie about how many you ate. You’re welcome.

(reprinted with permission from TroutTowers)

If you haven’t read the column we’re talking about, it’s on the WickedLocal website. (Not that it will help clarify things, mind you, but it will give you something more to read so you don’t have to fold laundry or whatever it is you’re avoiding by reading this.)

xo



Press quotes!

Here are a few things people are saying about us:

“Some of the best advice out there!”

“These two women really know what they’re talking about. I wish they had been around when I was dating, working and essentially still alive.”

“A wealth of knowledge and a National treasure!”

Scarlett, did you make those up?

Of course I did, Annabelle! It’s how it’s done. But just for good measure, here’s a real one:

“…dubious at best.”

Scarlett, I’m deleting your web credentials.