The Fix-It Sisters

Tropical Storm Mom

By Scarlett July 12, 2014 Columns

Scarlett, I accidentally called Mom today and she said she wanted to come to see your kids this weekend. I’m sorry. She said something about wanting to do some work with them on gender equality for her new book. I think we’re busy, don’t you?

Doesn’t she have enough books? Ernest is two. I don’t think he’s developed any sexist tendencies yet. But if she came maybe she could babysit so Joe and I could go out. I wonder what that’s like – going out.

You really want to leave her alone with your kids? The last time she babysat you came home to Paisley in tears because Mom replaced her set of My Little Ponies with a scale model of a reproductive system, with moveable parts so you can really get in there and see what’s what.

I remember. Mom said she thought Paisley liked the ponies because she wanted to be a vet, or a doctor. She thought she was helping.

Well now that you have Irving maybe she will refrain from being so helpful. He’ll be a nice distraction.

Yes! Maybe having our new fake grandfather around will temper her weirdness. They may even hit it off! Except I hope they don’t. That would be a bummer if the kids’ real grandmother hit it off with the fake grandfather I went out and found myself. I’d feel so cheated.

I like having him around too. He’s like the father we were never allowed to have.

Sometimes I pretend he’s my dad, so I fit in better with the other moms at school. I think it will be fine having mom here now that Irving’s around. If he can take the edge off my Other Mom Terror, he can do anything.

It will at least be fun to watch. How about I call her while you rummage through the mailbag for questions?

Sounds good. This is your fault, by the way, so you’re buying lunch.

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